Tuesday, July 28, 2009

T-Shirt Designs

Hope the new layout is a bit easier on the eyes, I'm sure ill be tweaking it more as time goes on and I'm continually bored.

Anyway, I've decided to foray into the t-shirt design world, at lease conceptually. I don't know if these shirts will ever get made or what, but I'm having a pretty good time laying them out. Here are the first two:

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Born - With Spoilers So You Don't Have to Watch!

Yesterday, I unfortunately watched the movie Born. This movie was completely awesome in how awful it was. The premise itself wasn't bad, which is the reason we picked it up. A bizzaro Immaculate Conception (by a fly) leaves a virgin (Mary Elizabeth) holding a demon fetus that grows incredibly fast and takes over her body. Through the movie we learn that her brother is Asmodeus, the ruler of the 13th level of Hell or some shit and that the child is his. He wants to be human again, and in order to do that the demon fetus must feast on humans (or crow blood at one point) six times before it is born - a lover, a friend, a sister, a father and a murderer must be included - in order for everything to go according to plan. We meet him in a therapists office in the first scene, telling the therapist that he is a demon and I guess he feels bad for the murders. I don't know, I wasn't too sure on that part. The family is devoutly catholic, so of course the church must be duped into believing that for the demon to be taken care of, it must be born. To accomplish this, Asmodeus/brother poses as a cardinal and enlists a former military special ops guy but current priest to watch over her and make sure nothing happens to Mary Elizabeth.

So as the movie goes on, M.E. eventually realizes that, holy shit, this is a demon child, and tries to fight back. Her big hero moment comes when the demon is making her kill her father but she fights back and tells her father to kill the demon child. The old man is holding his oxygen tank above his head (which, btw, he brings with him to smoke which just seems like bad news waiting to happen), but can't bring himself to drop the tank on the pregger stomach. Lucky for them, the demon regains control of M.E.'s body and is able to slice the fathers ankle, forcing him to drop the tank on the bulging midsection, effectively knocking out the demon. They try to perform surgery to abort the demon, but are stopped by the house help Ivan and the sister (who apparently is on the devil's side now?). The demon then closes the opening in the stomach like a trap door (by far the funniest part of the movie) and now things really start to twist.

The devoutly catholic sister we now learn has stayed a virgin hoping that she would be the host for a demon child rebirth thing. Ivan is also part of Asmodeus' team. The priest is captured during the abortion mishap and put in a medieval spike cage thing so he can't escape. He will be the last kill, since he is a murderer from his ex-Army days. Also, he was conveniently involved since he thought he was helping a cardinal and was therefore easy to capture. However, being the smart man that he is, he starts calling the short-fused Ivan a fag, and Ivan murders him, taking out their last kill. Asmodeus, however, is no fool. The priest thinks he has outsmarted him, but Asmodeus has the last laugh, realizing (long after anyone watching) that Ivan is now a killer too since he killed the priest! So Ivan is murdered for the last kill, and all 6 heads of the murdered are placed at different points of a pentagram drawn on the floor so the birth can take place. The birth happens and a normal baby (not the awful thing that was in the trap door stomach scene) is born. But, who is that coming up the stairs? The therapist! Turns out, she was the devil, not just a ruler of a level like Asmodeus. She's none to happy he went to a shrink for his murder guilt complex, so instead of following through on the deal, she sends him back to hell. She then takes the baby and that's all we hear of it. The movie ends with Mary Elizabeth in a church vowing to find the child and raise it in God's name and to fight the demon, and the priest says he will help. After this takes place, what would you know, but a fly lands on Mary Elizabeth's face and the movie ends, leaving us to think "My what a lucky girl to get to carry a second demon spawn!"

So, this movie had more twists than a bag of Twizzlers, but unfortunately not one of them made any sense, nor did they add to the movie in the least. The effects were laughable, all of them from the trap door stomach to the lactation of ooze straight from Ninja Turtles to the water breaking looking like a dumping of Nick Slime. The plot was awful. They tried to make you think, but it just wasn't happening. The acting was just horrific. When the demon spoke through Mary Elizabeth, it made me want to laugh and punch her in the face at the same time. The unintentional comedy is through the roof. I don't think it was meant as a mock horror movie, but it did a great job of impersonating one. I don't know which is more sad, the fact that someone thought this was a legitimate movie, or the fact that I've spent near 1,000 words talking about it. If this movie cost more than the $1.07 I'd be angry that I wasted time, but it provided a few good laughs along with killing time at work to write this review, so I can't say that it was a total waste of my buck. Still, don't get it. Ever.

Quick Links

Sadly, the Taco Bell chihuahua Gidget has died. Apparently, she had a stroke at the age of 15:


Two time Super Bowl champ Ben Roethlisberger has been accused of a sexual assault that occured A YEAR AGO. No criminal charges have been filed by the alleged victim, just this civil suit one year after the fact, demanding $440,000 from Big Ben and another $50,000 from the casino she was working at, claiming they covered up the incident:


Erin Andrews continues to dominate on Google Trends:


Awesome, more corruption in Jersey involving money laundering:


Some pretty sweet new glove shoes:


Saw a pretty terrible movie last night, Born. Here's the IMDB for it, if I get around to it I'll write my thoughts on it. The description on RedBox seemed promising enough, but it did not come through. Not even close:


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Well, thats depressing

Apparently, we haven't had enough rain here, because we're due for another 8 straight days of thunderstorms after today, according to the fine folks at weather.com.
On a completely unrelated note, Erin Andrews continued her two day run at number 1 on Google Trends for her peephole video. That is, until the Senate decided to vote to shut down production of any new F-22 fighter jets. It's always fun to go through the trends and see where the searching public's priorities lie. It's also fun to see how dumb the public is, considering Aaron Andrews was one of the top trends yesterday. On another Google note, if you Google Andrew Ensminger, my site is now the number one hit. I consider this an accomplishment, since prior to that, the first thing to come up was another Andrew Ensminger who sullied the name by admittadly shooting and killing one Mr. Devon Laughman. This story still appears before my Twitter account, but at least the site bearing my name beats out that story.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Vick free to go, but where to?

Today, Michael Vick completed the home confinement portion of his dogfighting sentence. Now, having spent 18 months in prison and finishing two more at home, federal agents came and picked up his electronic monitor today, allowing him to resume life as normal (within the guidelines of his probation). Where does this really leave him though? He is reportedly 20 million dollars in debt, there is very little interest from NFL teams in him and, as of now, he's still banned by the NFL. The UFL, which is an interesting development in and of itself, has a team in Orlando who has claimed his rights, but apparently Vick has no interest in playing anywhere other than the NFL.

Where will Vick end up? There is no real answer for that question, as teams shy away from showing interest for what seem to me to be publicity purposes. Who would want to associate themselves with Vick at this point when he's still indefinitely suspended from the league? Of the teams that were said to have interest in Vick on ESPN.com (Redskins, Seahawks, 49ers, Raiders, Dolphins and Jaguars) none of them make sense to me. Let's break it down:
Redskins: Invested in Jason Campbell, and I'm not sure Snyder would want to be responsible for cleaning up Vick's image.

Seahawks: Still have Hasselbeck, along with four other quarterbacks on the payroll, including a scrambler (Seneca Wallace) and a 2009 draft pick (Mike Teel).

49ers: This move, out of all of them, seems to be the most logical to me. They still have Alex Smith, who is supposedly revitalized after this off-season, but he's going to have to prove that before anyone believes it. They did just draft Nate Davis who had a stellar career at Ball State, but mid-major school success doesn't always translate to the NFL. Singletary is one tough mofo and commands respect, so may be the one who can turn Vick around.

Raiders: With JaMarcus Russell and Jeff Garcia already on the roster, this move doesn't make sense at all, but then again, Al Davis runs this team. They did draft Darrius Heyward-Bey over Michael Crabtree, so I guess anything is possible here.

Dolphins: The Wildcat offense worked well for them last year, but they seem to have a good unit to run the offense without Vick. They also picked up Pat White this off season, and he seems to bring the same thing to the table Vick would, without the dog killing baggage.

Jaguars: Garrard had a down year last year, but the team just spent 60 million over six years on him. I don't think that after one o

ff year they'd be willing to give up on him with that kind of money at stake. They brought in Torry Holt, and I think Garrard will turn it around and bring the Jags back to the playoffs this year. No need for Vick here.

So there you have it. Six teams listed by ESPN, and none really make sense. Now, where does that leave Vick? Well, Orlando in the aforementioned UFL has his rights, should he decide to play there. However, the UFL isn't exactly an ideal destination for him. The quarterback max salary is around $100,000 and the teams in the league don't have names, logos or definite rosters a month and a half away from the start of camps. On the plus side, the season is six games long, which would be good for him since he probably isn't in the same shape as he was, nor does he have the time to get in shape. It would give him a chance to show that he can still play, and seeing as how Goodell is in no rush to meet with Vick and talk about reinstating him, this fledgling United Football League may be his only shot.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Japanese Bug Fights

Recently, it has come to my attention that there is a website out there entitled http://www.japanesebugfights.com/. This site is exactly as it sounds. In each video posted, two bugs are put in a plastic cube and fight until one of them kills the other. There are only three rules in Japanese Bug Fighting, according to the site:

1. Two Bugs to a fight
2. Bug fights go
on as long as they have to
3. No outside weapons in Bug Fights

Different kinds of bugs are involved, ranging from a crazy strong beetle (upon further research, I think it's an Atlas beetle) to Praying Mantiseseses (Mantisii?). Scorpions seem to be a popular contestant, although not a very successful one.

This site is one of the most awful, creepy, amazing things I have ever seen. I want to learn Japanese just to hear what they're saying during the fights. It's also a great site to learn from. I had no idea centipedes were poisonous, but there was one, surviving a scorpion sting to bite its opponent and kill it. This kind of thing absolutely needs betting involved. The odds on a centipede winning would have been at least 25-1. Vegas would have made a killing on the upset. As for that crazy strong beetle? In the one match I watched involving a beetle, it too was fighting a scorpion, picked the scorpion up in it's pinchers and just held the scorpion above it's head, rendering the stinger useless. Every now and then it would slam the scorpion to the ground until finally the scorpion died. I don't know how or why it died, maybe those pinchers squeezed it until it was no more, but the fact is, who's betting against a scorpion? All I know is this: more people need to be aware of the phenomenon that is Japanese Bug Fighting.

Who knew the scorpion was not to fear?

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Why, hello there!

So. My name is Andrew Ensminger, and I figured it was about time I got involved in the blogging world, otherwise known as the vomit-inducing word "blogosphere." I really have no idea what I'll be writing about, or how often, but hopefully when I do write it can contribute a little bit to what must be a very dull life for you, seeing as how you're reading what I'm writing.

Now, a little bit about me, so if you don't care, you can just stop here and check back later. I am a recent graduate of Rowan University in Glassboro, NJ. I graduated Cum Laude from the School of Communication with a BA in Advertising. I am a frater of Tau Kappa Epsilon, Omicron Iota chapter. I thoroughly enjoy snowboarding, so as winter comes, if I'm still doing this I'm sure I'll be writing about that. As of now, I have a 2009 Burton Bullet, Moto boots and Custom bindings. I need to get the bottom refinished since a rouge rock took a chunk out of it but other than that everything is in pretty good condition. Currently, I intern at Harmelin Media three days a week, do security at Tweeter (I'm not calling it the way too long name it is now) and am also looking for another part time job in the South Jersey area. Since it's about 5 o'clock and I'm at my internship now, I think this would be a good time to end this post. I want to go home.